Robert Lew Wan Fong
6 min readJan 15, 2022

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WHAT IS LIFE IF FULL OF CARE?”

Profoundly well written, something for us to reflect upon.
Quoting the last few lines,*"You can only sleep on one bed live in one room. Anything more of it merely for watching, admiring and playing"*

So what is the takeaway?
*Learn to detach from these materialistic earthly rhings.*

A lady (88) is thinking of leaving her home and shifting to a senior Citizens Home near Johore Bahru. Her husband passed away many years ago.
She is educated and her three daughters and a son who are now married, migrated and become US citizens. They have three daughters and a son, who are now in High School with some daughters employed. The lady travelled to US on her own many times too, just to visit her kids & grandchildren. She even lived there for six months when her daughters delivered their babies, just to help out.

The other day she became emotional and disclosed her plans to settle for assisted living in an old age home and that she had no intention to go back to US since she prefers her roots & where her friends are, even though just a couple of them had left for eternal life. One feels very sorry for her life in her sun set years, such as myself.

'Relocating to Nursing Home ...

This is an article that has caused many to reflect over their own lives. When I relate the story, and she expressed her emotions when she was about to go to a nursing home, I was in tears myself.

I’m going to a nursing home. I have to. When life gets to where you are no longer able to take care of yourself completely, your children are busy at work and have to take care of their children and have no time to take care of you, this seems to be the only solution out.

The nursing home is in good condition, with clean single rooms equipped with simple and practical electrical appliances. All kinds of entertainment facilities are complete, the food is fairly delicious, the service is also very good. The environment is also very beautiful and quiet, only that the price is not cheap.My savings is poorly able to support these. But I have my own house. If I sell it, then money is not a problem. I can spend it on retirement, with the balance will be left as an inheritance for my son.

The son understands this very well: _"your money and your property should be enjoyed by you, don’t worry about us as we are capable."_ Now I have to consider preparing to go to a nursing home.

As the saying goes: What is life when breaking a family is not worth tens of thousands, which refers to many things - Boxes, bags, cabinets, and drawers are filled with all kinds of daily necessities: clothing's for all weathers and beddings for all seasons.

I like to collect items for sentimental reasons. I have collected a lot of stamps, hundreds of purple clay tea pots. There are many small collections too like figurines & memoirs from holidays, and such small items like jewelries' as pendants of precious stones etc. etc.,
I am specially fond of books. The bookshelves on the wall are full to the brim.

There are also dozens of bottles of good foreign wine. There are full sets of household appliances; various cooking utensils, pots and pans, rice, oil, salt, noodles, flour, spices, for so many seasons usage & spare groceries too, In fact, the kitchen is always full. There are also dozens and dozens of photo albums .. now looking back at the house full of things - I’m so worried! To throw, or to keep or to give away? I am feeling so lonesome and undecided on how to manage.

*The nursing home has only one room with a cabinet, a table, a bed for yourself plus a sofa, a refrigerator, a washing machine, a TV, an induction cooker and a microwave oven -- all the things I will really need and are shared with others like myself, residing there*
There is no place to store the wealth that I have accumulated throughout my life & its a painful and sad moment to see them go to waste

At this moment, I suddenly felt that my so-called wealth is superfluous, and it doesn’t belong to me at all. I just take a look at it, play with it, admire it and use it. The wealth that came in turns are just passing hobbies just to be seen rich and self sufficient.
_Whose palace is in the Forbidden City?_
The Emperor thought it belonged to him, but after today, it belongs to the people and society, even to the dust bins, if left unwanted.

You look at these, you play with these, you use these but you can’t take them all with you upon death.

I really want to donate all the things in my house, but I can’t get it done. At the time when I am ready to part with it or sell them, no one wants them. Very few children and grandchildren could appreciate what I have collected in my life tine. I can imagine what it will be like when my children and grandchildren when faced with these painstakingly accumulated treasures of mine .. Their first thought is all the clothes and bedding will be thrown away; dozens of precious photos may be kept for remembrance or will be destroyed; books will be sold as scrap/recycle or just thrown into the bins. Collections? Well, if they are not interested, will disposed of them. The mahogany furniture is not practical as to them its too bulky but they do not know their quality & value, so will be sold at a low prices or even given or worse, thrown away..

Just like the end of the Red Mansion: is the only a place of white empty house left so clean, and barren, after I am gone. …

Facing with the mountain of clothes, I only picked a few of my favorites; I only kept a set of pots & pans for my kitchen usage, a few of my favorite books, a teapot for evening tea.
Bringing along my ID card, health insurance card, and of course, a bank card. Enough, that’s about all of it that I could bring along!

It’s all my belongings left, after I’m gone. I bid farewell to my neighbors, I knelt down at the front door and bowed three times before leaving all the happy and sad memories behind.

_Yes! In life, you can only sleep on one bed, live in one room!_ When one dies and buried in one 6 feet deep dug hole with nothing but the coffin as your only companion , or “ Ash thou art, and ash thou shalt return" be cremated with ashes put in a container together with that of my late husband’s. So, why must we be so materialistic when we are alive, chasing our dreams in earnest so that we could enjoy the fruits of our early labors!

Having lived a lifetime, people finally understand why we don’t really need that much. Don’t be shackled by superfluous things and material gains, just to be happy! Just stay contented and live happily and healthily ever after. ….to be self sufficient is more than enough!

It’s ridiculous to chase for fame and fortune. Life is no more than a bed of roses to lay on…..if one does not know how to manage one’s early years of life, these are the end results!

*For people over 60 years old, shouldn’t they think carefully about how to take care of the last journey of their lives?*
*_Let go of ‘has been fantasies and baggage's' and of all those things that can’t be taken, worn or used especially when one is old & fragile, as life drags on…*

*JUST STAY CONTENTED AND BE HEALTHY & BE HAPPY , THINKING ALAS, WHAT IS LIFE IF FULL OF CARE WITH UNNECESSARY WORRIES?*

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Robert Lew Wan Fong

I will be 81 and have three daughters and a son with 5 grand daughters and a grand son.